


At Midnight

by MementoMoriPontifexMortis



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Angst and Humor, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Crush at First Sight, Cynicism, Drama & Romance, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, First time writing in first person, Forgive Me, Genderbending, Het and Slash, I Blame Tumblr, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Tried, I'm Sorry, Like this is fun to write, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multiple Pairings, Not exactly like the hunger games world but is based after it, Nyotalia, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Please Don't Kill Me, Sexual Content, Snark, Snarky characters, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Violence, What Was I Thinking?, Yuri, but i love it, rare pairs, they're teens what do you expect?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 00:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1448770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoMoriPontifexMortis/pseuds/MementoMoriPontifexMortis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am not the hero. I am just trying to survive in relative poverty but surviving just got harder since I was reaped for the 74th Hunger Games. I know three things: 1) I must survive for my family, 2) I refuse to die by the hand of the Capitol, 3) I am in love with the boy who was reaped with me."</p>
<p>(Ema was planning on just pining over unrequited love and being poor; wanting to run away with her friend but duty and fear kept her in the district, that all changed when she was Reaped with the boy she's had a crush on forever. In the arena there is no time for love, all those stories that say there is are liars.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Reaping

**Author's Note:**

> HI! Memento coming here with more Fem!Estonia stories! I love her. This is my first time writing in first person, so please tell me what you think. I tried to make her not so whiny... and according to my beta.. I managed but I'm so unsure that I would love to know what you think!
> 
> (Names:  
> Ema - Fem!Estonia  
> Viktorija - Fem!Lithuania  
> Aija - Fem!Latvia  
> Liisa - Fem!Finland [total thanks to hittolainen on tumblr for the name]  
> Daniel - Male!Hungary)

_*** Prologue: The Reaping ***_  

* * *

 

I have killed an animal with a knife before. I have cleaned the carcase of one too. There has been blood on my hands. I've hunted with nothing before, while my hunting partner kills with bows and spears. I use wit. But...

I am not your hero. I'm scared. I'm terrified but I can't die. I can't let myself die, I have too much to protect.

My name is Ema. I'm 17 and I'm the female tribute for the Hunger Games. My district competition is a boy named Nikolaj Løkke. He's also 17 but tall, strong and he protects his family of five. I've interacted with him twice before, mainly because my cousin, Liisa is dating his brother, Berwald. They planned to marry in December, a few days after Liisa would turn 19.

I protect my little family member, Aija. In truth, my older sibling, Viktorija takes care of both of us, but she's always working at other people's houses as a maid, so she can make money so she hardly has time for us. Which is where I come in, I protect Aija from the bullies, deflecting them with wit and my brain. Aija and Viktorija are not my siblings, at least not full blood related. We've been together since we were all children, unable to go anywhere. Viktorija is the oldest, she's just turning 19. Aija is the youngest, she's 15. I'm 17. This was supposed to be my second to last year in the running, but in truth it's the year I was called.

The district's escort, Mr. Bonnefey introduces himself, like he does every year, then he goes about explaining the entire idea behind the Hunger Games. There is a film, something stupid explaining the entire past of our _great_ country. Then the names are called. Girls first. I am called. I pause before walking forward with tears in my eyes but not falling. I will not be made weaker than I already am by people that will be forced to kill me. I can see Aija staring at me from her spot in the area for 15 year olds, her eyes wide. She is as shocked as I am.

No thoughts go through my mind as I look out at the sea of people. My district is a small one, over 4,000 people in all. My old teacher once said that there were tons more, like over 30,000 but that the failed revolution caused many to die or to disappear. "War is a burning flame," She told us, "that destroys not only what's in it's path, but everything it can touch. Never be a flame." 

**I will never be a flame.**  

“Nikolaj Løkke.” Bonnefey calls, and the sea of boys parts, Nikolaj begins making his way to the stage. I blink and gasp a little. brought back from my thoughts. A tear falls down my cheek, it's not enough to be seen by the many cameras in the square the Reaping is being held in, but enough for me to be shocked by my own reaction. He stands on the opposite direction of Mr. Bonnefey and we are forced to listen as the mayor reads the treaty that was put into place after the Days of the War. 

Let me explain a thing, the games began after the Days of the War, which had started because the districts of my country decided that we weren't going to be forced to follow the laws set up by the Capitol. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you looked at it, the Capitol won, decimated District 13, and began to reap the children of the 12 districts to be in a pageant of death. It's all done to show the districts that they can take the children, take the hope, and crush it. I do not agree with what the Capitol does, but there isn't much a person can do.

None of that matters though, I think as I'm lead through the Town's Building, my family and friends to say their last good byes soon, and then I'm going to be carted to the Capitol.

“Ema!” Aija yells as she enters the room I am in. I hug her, and kiss her head. I will miss her. Viktorija looks at me with sadness and I force a smile.

“Don't worry.” I tell her, little hope in my voice. It's not much, but I'm hoping I will come back to them. I can see Viktorija thinks the same, she always has had faith in me and so she hugs me.

“You can do it.” She whispers.

More hugs, more kisses and then they're being pulled from the room by the Shielders. Shielders are the Capitol's army men. They are dressed all in black, with helmets made of the best material that deflects everything. They keep the people from revolting. Liisa and Daniel, my cousins are brought into the room. Liisa grabs me into a hug, her eyes already red from tears and squeezes me.

Daniel wraps his arms around me, he too has faith. “You can fight.” He says with slight pride in his voice and I nod my head. I really can't, at least not that well, and I haven't really defended myself in years. Daniel continues, “I've seen you fight.. even if it was when we were children, my father taught you. You can at least defend yourself well enough to get to a weapon. Most of them don't need you to be skilled, just swing it around and around until -”

Liisa sits down and pulls me to a seat next to her, Daniel crouches in front of me, “You are going to win, and come back to us.” Daniel says as Liisa nods her head. I'm sure she agrees with him.

“Come on.” Liisa says as she kisses my cheek, “Have faith.”

They are dragged away from the room. I am left alone. In a few minutes I will be dragged to the Capitol train and then I will... I will... I don't know. “What can I do?”

“Kill 'em.” I sit up straight and blink away the not fallen tears. It's Alfred, he's come to say good bye. “You can do it.” He says, “I know you can.”

“That's what everyone says.” I say. “No one tells me how.”

Alfred smirks and sits down next to me, “I've seen you, you aren't the best, I'm not going to lie, but you can fight. I've seen you take a fall from a tree as if it's just a slip from walking. You've got wit. You've got smarts. You've got spunk, use that to your favour.”

“I don't have spunk.” I say with a scoff. No one has spunk anymore. “And falling's second nature to me now.” It's true. I've fallen way too many times to blink an eye anymore.

“Don't count yourself out now.” He says with a smile. He's such a sweet 19 year old that if I hadn't been reaped I would've maybe loved him. I've always had a crush on him, almost every girl in my district does – even some of the boys do. I've never bothered to do much with him besides go out to the forest and hunt. Most people in the area we live in believe we to be dating, even my own sister believes it but we aren't. We just spend a lot of time together. I help him around his house, his mother and father are both dead, he takes care of his twin brother and his two sisters.

If one of them were reaped, may it never happen, but if they were, they'd be able to win. Amelia, she's the type to start a revolution, so is Madeline. Matthew, now Matthew, he's different, he's a soft spoken lover, not a fighter. We are similar in many aspects beside, I am often seen, while Matthew, Matthew can be ignored. According to him, he can disappear in a blink of the eye.

The Imprint is the poorest area of my district. It's filled with those who cannot make enough money to feed the belly of their families. Most of the families die from starvation or sickness. I know that first hand. I've seen people, families dying to feed themselves, and I've been one of those families. That's how I became a family with Viktorija and Aija. We all were orphans, starving on the street, the only food and money we got were from the X-Tra – the extra thin grain and water that we get if we decided to add our names into the Reaping Bowl more. I used to take it out every month. I added my name into the bowl over 50 times.

It's no wonder I was called.

“What if... what's going to happen to Aija and Viktorija? Or Liisa and Daniel? Or your brother and sisters?” I sigh deeply before closing my eyes. “I never realised how involved I was into this district on-goings until now.”

Alfred moves forward, hugging me. “I'll take care of everything until you come back.”

I nod, feeling the hope from the others feed into myself. I might have a chance at this, I can come home. “Feed them and don't let Aija take any more X-Tra!” There's thudding on the ground outside the room, I know it's the Shielders, they've come to take away my only life line. “Keep Viktorija from taking that man's offer.” I mean any men but Alfred understands. Most men wish to sleep with Viktorija because she has yet to be touched by a hand; the only hands that have touched her have been to hit her when she denies their requests.

“I will.” Alfred gets up, “You can do it. I believe in you!” He kisses me and I'm shocked. He's never shown any real interest in me. Maybe this is just the fear of losing a good friend? Whatever it is, it keeps me thinking until my last visitor comes in.

“I can't believe you were Reaped.”

I groan. “Gilbert Beilschmidt. How lovely to hear your voice.” I say this sarcastically but I'm positive the egotistical man takes it as a compliment. He bows in front of me and I stare at him. Why would he, of all people, come to visit me in my last moments in my district? “What do you want?”

“Can't an old friend say goodbye to someone without their motives being questioned?” He asks and I shake my head.

“No.” I don't mean to be mean – wait, since it's Gilbert, yes, yes I do. This man in front of me, and that's what he claims he is; a man, is nothing short of a devious squirming freak. I have nothing against freaks, make your money however you wish, but this man is just the worse. “What are you doing here?” I repeat.

Gilbert gets a look before he sits down across from me. I guess he refuses to get too close after what happened last time. “Look, kid, I know we had our fights -” Understatement of the century. “But, I did care for ya, and I want you to know, I'll be betting on you. I'm always betting on you.” He gets up, “Remember that, okay? Remember that you're good enough and you can do it.”

He leaves without having to be forced, and I just sit there with my mouth agape. Before I can even think, before I can even tell myself that he was doing that to psyche me out, I am being pulled from the room, into a car – something that most District Twelver's have not seen or used before in person – and then brought onto the silver train that brings all the tributes – and escorts – to and from the Capitol. Not many tributes come back. In fact, in the 74 years that the games have been going on, my district has had three winners. Out of all of them; only one lives.

Arthur Kirkland is nothing more than a washed out drunk, that once upon a time was a victor for District 12, something that we could be proud of. Now he is nothing we are proud of, in fact most officials in my district hope to the Capitol that he'll pass away, taking the shame of what he does with him. I do not care much for him. He sleeps with the women and men around town, smells like liquor 24/7 and throws money at people. He's nothing too bad, I've met worse men and women in my life, but I would not invite him over to dinner any time soon.

Said man sits on a chair in the train car we enter, he's got a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a glass in the other. I make no movement to notice him but Nikolaj does, he greets him with a smile and a wave. How can he be so kind when we're being carted to be pawns in a game?


	2. The Train Ride

 

* * *

 

**Chapter One: The Train Ride**

 

I am brought to a room, what will be my room, by Francois Bonnefey, he tells us that these will be our rooms as long as we stay on this train. It takes 4 days to get to the Capitol from my district so for the next four days I will be in comfort. Nikolaj's room is three doors down, in another train car. _“It is improper for young ladies and young men to be sleeping in the same car!”_ Mr. Bonnefey's argues in his accent. It's a ridiculous thing, the Capitol's accent, foreign sounding, with high lilts at the end which makes me wonder if they can even hear themselves. The men though, are not as high-pitched as the women so it grates less on my ears.

I can traverse the entire train if I feel like it, but, as it is, I do not feel like it. I just want to sit in my room and cry. It's pathetic, I know. But as I said, I'm not your hero and this, this is a scary journey on a rode that I am unsure of. The sky outside the train is blue, no clouds, and I wonder how could it be such a good looking day when I've been forced from my family? Though I plan to go back to them, it is still scary cause there is a chance, that I will not be good enough.

There's a knock on my door, and it slides open. “Hey, you coming down for dinner?” Nikolaj asks, already dressed in the Capitol garb left for us in the drawers. I have yet to leave the pretty white dress that I was dressed in when I was reaped. Nikolaj had worn a black shirt, black pants, black dress shoes; the clothing all boys wear when the Reaping is happening. I nod.

“I'm going to change first.” I say getting up from the bed. There are drawers full of clothing for me to change into, yet, I can't think of anything I want to wear besides the thing I was brought in. The white dress belongs to Viktorija, it's beautiful and shiny and it's to be dropped on the floor in a desire to change.

“They clean the clothing we wore.” Nikolaj's voice shocks me out of my thoughts, I hadn't known he stayed after informing me of food. “They think our clothes are dirty.”

Of course they do, I almost spit out, but instead I nod. I expect him to leave, to go to the dinning car to eat and converse like he should but instead he stays. He comes close, bends down and grabs a plain blue shirt with black and white leggings. “Wear this.” He says and moves to unzip my dress. “It'll accent your eyes.”

My dress falls to the ground in a pool around my legs. I have no bra on, only underwear and my hair falls in an uneven waterfall down my back. I can feel the brush of his hands down on my shoulder, and there's a shudder as he pulls away. “You should get dress.”

He leaves. 

Letting go of the breath I hadn't known I was holding, I quickly dressed myself before making my way to the dinning car. Nikolaj sat there, trying to converse with Kirkland and Bonnefey was fixing his make-up. “And how do I win?” I heard Nikolaj ask and Kirkland waved him off.

“How?” I ask, and I'm surprised by how loud I am. “How do we win?”

“That's if you make it to the final few.” Kirkland moans as he grabs at his drink. It's tea, filled to the brim with alcohol. “Doubtful you will.”

I frown before walking over to the table and bending down to get to his eye level, “Look here,” I begin, “You are our mentor, so, mentor us.”

He laughs, “Anyone ever tell you you've got spunk?” He asks before grinning and adding, “Because who ever told you that, lied.”

I admit, I shouldn't do what I'm about to do but I do so his tea goes spilling over his head and then I sit at the table and begin conversing with Nikolaj, ignoring the absent mutterings of the drunk who will not help us. He curses and spits mean words to me but I'm not listening. I'm not listening to the harsh cruel words that demean me and deign my status as a person. And wow, what does that mean?

“Look!” I say turning towards him sharply, “If you want to insult me go ahead, but please, use words that make sense.” I just really don't want to die. Still though, he stops swearing at me and looks at me like he's seeing me for the first time.

“What do you want so badly that you'd go against me in a verbal war?” He asks, and I stare at him. Doesn't he get it? Hasn't he once been in my place? A scared teenager, that just wants to make it back home.

“I want to live.” I say as if he's dumb. Why doesn't he get that. “I want to go home. I want to get married – well maybe. I don't want to die.” Pausing I look towards Nikolaj, who must feel the same, “And if I must, if I've gotta die, then I don't want to die like cattle.”

“I agree with her.” Nikolaj says, pointing his knife my way. Kirkland nods, drinks some of his alcohol before opening his mouth.

“You wanna live? You wanna make your death meaningful?” He begins sarcastically, “You wanna be the victor? Well you can't! Two can't make it out. Only one. And if I train you both, and you both make it to the finals, who's gonna kill who? Huh? Answer me that!” He's angry, something no one's ever seen. “Who's gonna kill who?”

“The odds of us both meeting is low.” I calculate it in my head, “There's 24 of us. That means there's a 1 in 24 chance of us winning. The subjective aspect of us meeting in the final, having to kill each other is based more on the actions we take in the arena. I, personally, don't plan on being one of those tributes who immediately goes after my district competition. So, subjective speaking, the chances are, 1 in 24.” I finish before hoping I got that right. I've always been good with math, it's something that I liked but it's been years since I truly paid any attention to it.

Nikolaj nods but doesn't say anything as Kirkland stares at both of us. “Ok.” He says after a minute, “Ok.”

We don't know what it means, but we'll take it.

*** 

We hit a bump on the road to the Capitol. The train slows to a stop and Francois, as he tells us to call him, huffs in annoyance before making his way through the train, wondering what is going on. Nikolaj gets up from the chair he's taken and makes his way to the window. Outside is district 11, the worse district in the lot. He stares out the window, a look on his face and a distant smile. “I knew someone from this district.” He says, shocking both me and Arthur. What does he mean? No one interacts via different districts. It's forbidden.

Then again, so is hunting in the forest beyond the district's wall.

“We were friends,” Nikolaj adds, “He was picked up by Shielders, taken to the Capitol for his trial. He never mentioned me. I wonder what happened to him.”

I blink not saying a word, waiting for him to continue but he doesn't. “Probably got killed... or turned to an Unspoken.” Arthur says, and I cock my head. I've never heard of Unspokens, but he doesn't continue before Francois comes back.

“They had an issue with the tributes from District 11.” He says and I frown, I didn't know they were on the same train as us.

“They are dear,” Francois smiles, “Much different cars, but we carry all the tributes. Their cars are unreachable from ours, passcodes and such.”

I hadn't realised I had spoken aloud.

“Anyway,” Francois continues, “They've dealt with it, hopefully not too barbarically, and we shall be moving ever so shortly!”

I look at my escort. The escort for district 12 has always been beaten down and depressed that they got such a horrid district but Francois Bonnefey is nothing but ecstatic at having us as his district. He tells Antonio Carriedo multiple times in the interviews before the Reaping that he 'loves District 12 as if it was his own!' Most of us hate him, despise him for what he does. I don't. I find his facial expressions whenever he calls a name most inquiring. He doesn't look as delighted as he probably should. Instead, he looks dark. As if he feels like most of us feel; that he's just calling a name to be lead to the slaughter.

Then again, Francois is fairly new, only having begun about 12 years ago. He doesn't look a day over 20-something.

We dismiss ourselves from the dining car and make our way to the bedrooms. I stop Nikolaj before he can leave to go to his train car. “Wait.” I say, he stops.

I look around the empty corridor and then I'm up on my tip-toes and placing my lips on his. He is soft. Only on his lips though. I remember the feeling of his hands on my shoulders; the roughness that sent shivers through me. I don't know why I kiss him, maybe because subconsciously I've always been slightly attracted to him because of what he did for me and my sisters, or maybe because he reminds me of strength, but whatever it is, it propels me to continue to kiss him until I am out of breathe.

I might be young, but this is not my first kiss, and I am determined to make sure it's not going to be my last. Though, it might be my last with him.

I wish I could know what he was thinking, I think as we separate and he squeezes my hand and leaves. I do not change, just slid into the soft bed that I've never felt before and close my eyes. In my sleep I can still feel his touch, and his lips and I wish I could feel even more of him.

* * *

There is a scream on my lips as I wake. It's dying, but it's still there. I jolt upwards, the silkiness of the blankets sliding downwards. Why am I scared already?! I want to yell, I want to pull my hair and freak out but... nothing.. I stay looking around the train room. The thoughts of my Reaping, the thoughts of the previous Games I've watched rush around my brain.

In the darkness that is night, I wonder, do I have it takes to kill a person? My friends and family say I can do it but there's a thought, that's louder than the others, that say that I am a fool trying to win a game that no one wins. And it's true. No one wins, you just survive.

 


	3. Days 2, 3, & 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These next few days on the train are going to kill me.

Chapter Two: Days 2,3,& 4 killed me

 

**Day 2**

I reawaken, blinking as the train screeches to a start. When had it stopped, I have no desire to know. I care to know why I am warm. The answer comes to a head when I hear, “Good morning.” In my ear. Starting, I move towards the edge of the bed.

Nikolaj. He is in my bed. “What are you doing here?” I ask, making sure I don't fall off the bed. He blinks, smiles and then opens his mouth to speak.

He is interrupted before he can by Francois. “Up, up, up!” He says, and the stops with a hand on his heart. “What _are_ you doing?” He asks, voice shrieking upwards.

Quickly I set to destroy this flame of gossip, even with a heavy lie, “It's nothing! I swear. I was just, I had a nightmare, I couldn't sleep without body heat. My sisters and I share a bed, and...” God, does my mouth know no boundaries? Still, Francois nods, even if he doesn't believe me. Fuck, this is so stupid, how can I fail at explaining that I hadn't slept with Nikolaj. I extrapolate myself from Nikolaj's arms and smooths the outfit I wore to bed and smile at our escort.

The next three days are going to kill me.

***

“What can we do so we don't die?” I growl out, I sound forceful. It's nice. For once, I can just be angry. Kirkland, he just drinks some of his alcohol tea and then makes a face. “Will you stop being a drunk and help us!”

“Ema.” Nikolaj stops me with a hand on my arm. I look down at it, furrowing my eyebrows. Don't touch me. I want to say, don't tell me that I'll be fine. Everyone knows you need your mentor to win, you need them for benefactors and for knowledge, but we aren't going to get any of that from drunky. “You should know better -” He turns from me and looks towards Kirkland, “Look asshole, how about you talk about us winning instead of shoving more alcohol down your fucking throat!”

I stifle a laugh. Stupid boy, always been rude. He's never been a silent person, he has opinions, they are often heard even when they shouldn't be. Nikolaj though has every right to be angry, we all do but him, in my opinion is more so to be angry then anything. His father had died because the Capitol had murdered him; in a staged tragic accident. We all know in the district that the mountain was unstable, but still the Capitol forced us to mine for gold.

That's what my district is known for, mining gold and other precious metals from the ground. District 11, the dig for oil. District 10, fishing. District 9, clothing, and other things. So on and so on until there is enough of everything for the Capitol. District 1, 2, 3, and 6, are food; they harvest, raise food, and all around take care of the food for all of the Capitol, they keep tons for themselves too, not that life in those districts are any less oppressive than ours, but it is less poor.

I personally do not care for them, they almost always win the games. The district with the most victors is District 4; they are where the Shielders come from, and where most of the weaponry comes from. You can probably see why they win, they are raised around weaponry, unlike the other districts, we are strategically at a disadvantage.

“Nikolaj!” I scold him, voice heavy with laughter. “Watch your language!” I say with a Capitol accent. I love making fun of the accent, it's horrid I know, but it's fun. Like I explained, it is so weird to us out in the districts, with lilts and a foreign noise to it.

We break out in laughter only to get scolded for real by Francois, “Honestly!” He begins, “You both are barbaric!”

“Ah, shut it Francis!” Arthur says and Francois glares. “Stop telling all the tributes that come in here that they're barbaric!”

Francois walks closer to Arthur until he's leaning over him, “Look here,” He drops the Capitol's accent – which is something that I didn't know people could do, “You need to stop being a bitter drunk and start helping these children. You wonder why they all die? It's because no one in the Capitol likes you, and they need you!”

Silence fills the car, we hadn't expected that. And we definitely didn't expect for Arthur to just cover his ears and start going “lalalalala”. I didn't expect for Nikolaj to ask, “What do you mean, they all die because no one in the Capitol likes him?”

Francois turns to us, “How do you expect sponsors?” He sounds so angry, “How can you expect to win if you're mentor is a drunk who doesn't do anything!”

“I plan to kill anyone in my way.” Nikolaj answers, “I will bathe in blood if I need to return home to my brothers.”

“I will use smarts, wit and techniques to get rid of anyone in my path.” I say, and Kirkland snorts. Francois looks at us before he too snorts.

“You think that matters?” He laughs, “You think that you can beat the Packs? They are raised to be killers! They are raised to kill those who they fight”

My face falls but Francois doesn't stop speaking, he's basically yelling at us, “You need sponsors! You need power and strength and ability! I'm sick and tired of getting close -”

He's cut off as Arthur stands up and kisses him. I blink and look towards Nikolaj, who has the same face as I do. Are they sleeping with each other? I wonder as they continue to kiss, until I look to the top of the room, there's a camera, the Capitol is watching. Speaking out against the Capitol, no matter where you're from, is a crime punishable by death – if your lucky. Gasping, I think about Nikolaj's confession to us yesterday, about his friend in District 11. Could they have heard that? Will he get in trouble?

They final part after what feels like forever, I started eating the food that was beside me while watching and wait for an explanation, Nikolaj just shrugs and asks what he should start training with when we get to the training arena. I'm going for knives, that's what I'm good with; I can kill with those. Arthur says to start with something we're familiar with, Nikolaj nods and I guess when we get there, I'll be able to see what he's going to do, since he makes no sound to explain himself.

**Day 3.**

I lay in bed, naked. Nikolaj is behind me, hugging me. I have slept with him without meaning to. I wish to say that I fought against it, or he seduced me, but in truth, I seduce him. All the touching done by Francois and Arthur, it brought something out in me. Nikolaj rubs my arm, and kisses my neck. I probably shouldn't have slept with him, us being sent to our deaths and everything but..

All those feelings, all those thoughts they culminate into something, something that you can't control. I am now not that surprised by all those 'I've fallen in love with my partner and now we want the other to make it out so please send them stuff so they can win' ploys. It's normal in the games, to try and win like that. I don't like it when the tributes try that, it makes them look weak, like they can't live without the other.

It's stupid.

Of course, I let those thoughts out of my brain as I focus more on the touches that Nikolaj gives me. The way his hands cup my breast and the way his breath feels on my skin. It's so unlike anything I've had with the others I've laid with, it's sweeter, less rough, less desperate. I find that weird, that it's less desperate, given that before the end of summer, one or both of us will be dead.

Whatever floats his boat though, as long as it stays feeling this good.

We won't get called, haven't been called unless it's for food, we eat little. Our stomachs not feeling up to the amazing cuisine that is the Capitol’s normal food. We have one day until we are to be in the Capitol and brought before our preparation teams – at least, that's what Arthur says. He converses with us, between doors while we are alone in my room. He teases but he says words that are important.

“Don't go to the cornucopia.”

“Don't get pulled into any fights in the training center.”

And most importantly, “Don't fall in love.” He tells us this when we are separated. When Nikolaj goes to get clothing and when I walk to get a snack for both of us late at night.

I have to lick my lips to answer him, “I promise I haven't and I won't.”

I wish I knew what Nikolaj's answer was because I'm scared, the words he whispers to me as we lay in bed worry me. I can't fall in love with him. The stories are faked, there are no happy endings with these Games. Either you win, or you lose. You don't get to fall in love and keep the person you're in love with.

If I win, I can go back to Alfred, confess feelings, forget Nikolaj and his soft touches and sweet words. I'm not sure if I want that though, his words are probably the nicest things I've heard besides from family.

**Day 4.**

It's our last day on the train. I can't believe it. We've made it through so much. I can't even begin to think about what happened. Of course, since I'm explaining to people, since I'm writing it, since the words are coming out and going somewhere, I feel like I should. Today, this last day, I am spending the train.

I should go out, spend my last time in the halls but I stay in the room. Nikolaj left early, breakfast passed so did lunch, he never came to get me. I'm glad. Though yesterday we spent the entire time in bed, wrapped around each others arms, we now separate for reasons that's unknown. Maybe it's because we both know that what we want, to continue to spend time together, is coming to an end, that it can never continue.

Maybe it's because it didn't really mean anything and I was just one of those girls that you spend a day with and then it ends.

Whatever the reason is, it makes me sad. It makes me upset to not be wrapped around him and to have him whispering how beautiful I am. I've never had a person tell me that, none besides Viktorija. The other boys I've been with, the two that I've spent time with and given my body to, they've whispered words of how good I was, but that's nothing compared to the words that Nikolaj says, the way they seem to be just for me.

It sucks to know that both of us can't make it out.

It doesn't suck as much as the way Francois looks at us while we're about the train. Since day 2 on this train and we heard his outburst, he's looked at us like he's a wounded dog. It's like he wants to apologize, or explain himself but can't. I don't know why he can't, part of me doesn't care, I'm going to be placed against 23 other kids some of who have been training since they were young but there's a part of me, a simple part of me that wants to take his hand and listen to his words. Not the words, the message he wants someone to hear.

Getting up, I decide to do just that. I'll look for Francois and listen to him, listen to his message. The train, at least the part that I've been on is twelve cars long, Francois sleeps in the same car that the Capitol people live on. I bit my lip before opening the door. We're allowed to be here, at least that's what Francois says and when the door slides open, I am the center of attention.

Two men – two Shielders, look at me as if I'm lost. The taller one, he moves forward to talk to me but there's the sound of a door sliding open and Francois' head pokes out of a door. “Ahh dear!” He looks to me with a twinkle in his eyes, “Finally, come here, come here!” The Shielders let me pass without making a comment but there's a look in their eye that reminds me of that wolf that had attacked Alfred and I during a cold winter.

It was half starved and looking for food. Alfred and I were easy targets in it's eyes but we proved it wrong. It had started with me, jumping into the air. I raised my knife, slashed down the air and harmed the creature in it's stomach. Alfred had shot at it with his bow, not missing the creature but not killing it. I had been swiped by the wolf's claws and had a large gash coming down my arm but I still lifted it up and stabbed downwards on the creatures throat.

It had been my first kill that year. We cut it up and packaged the meat the best we could. We had sold some, but kept most for our families. Selling the food we caught gave us some money that we could use to buy things that we couldn't catch or make but we hate doing it. We needed more money than you think, but food was hard to get, especially since neither of our families took out X-Tra anymore.

I am in Francois' room when I pull myself out of those thoughts, sitting on a beautiful white couch. On the screen in front of us, is a quick recap of all the current Tributes. I see the faces go by quickly, as I don't wish to know anything about them, it'll make it harder to fight.

“So why are you here?” He asks, Capitol accent and all.

“Talk to me.” I say bluntly, “Say what's in your eyes.” I'm now unsure of myself, the way my voice wavers as I talk to him, it's like I'm back to being bullied and made fun of. It's like when teachers called on me and I couldn't answer without the feeling of hunger in my stomach hurting me.

Francois looks at me, honestly looks at me. “Dear, you're going to die. I know it. I know it well enough. I've seen it happen before, girls and boys who want to win, but can't. It's hard to see kids come and go only to die. I don't want you to die.”

I gulp. The best words come from truth, all strength comes from truth. Viktorija told me that. She also said, 'Victory comes from strength, strength comes from truth as I told you, and the truth comes fear'. Well, I feel fear. I'm not going to say anything though. I'm not going to - “I'm sorry.” I say. Damn, I said something.

“It's like, I get attached to you guys, I come to know more about you guys on this 4 day trip and then they are placed in the arena after two weeks of training. Poof! Most of them die. I've never had a tribute live. I feel like it's my fault, or I could've done something more but..”

“It's not your job.” I say, because it's not. It's the mentors, doesn't Francois know that?

“I know, I know!” He waves me off, “But it's not fair. Your mentor is a drunk! He's not meant to do much besides drink. I've tried, had him talk to people but.. the games, they've screwed him up.” He's ranting, god, why is he ranting? “These games, it's horrible, how they torment the kids and destroy them.”

Sighing, Francois looks towards me again, “Please win.” He shakes his head before continuing, “Not for my sake, or Arthur's or your district's, but for yourself. Just do something, I know both you and Nikolaj can win but I don't know how so just try.”

I nod before I am shooed out of the room. I am to be by myself. I can't believe what I promised, why would I do that? Try and get both me and Nikolaj out? That's not even possible! Two victors has never been heard of, not since the 14th games with Romae and Helen and even they were killed two years later so a revolution wouldn't be started!

Still though, I promised to at least try, so I'm going to. I'm going to try but I'm going to do it in such a way that won't cause a revolution, won't cause an uprising, and won't in danger my family. Making my way to the television car, I sit and I decide I will watch each and every tribute take their place besides their escorts. There is no more time for hiding, I will face this thing head on, I will win. I'm done being scared while pretending to be strong.

I'm tired of pretending.

* * *


	4. The Competition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally sit down to watch those who want to kill me. Their reaping reminds me nothing of mine.

District 1 is a set of perfect Packs. Jewle Tai and Chin Yao, the first a tiny blonde girl but she's strong, you can tell by her arms and her walk. Her district companion, China Yao is also short and strong but he has a different look to him, like he's innocent but ready to kill at a moment's notice. It's like the dog that lived down the block from me and my siblings. 

District 2 is another set of Packs but less perfect this time. Alice Smith and Vlad Impilke, they are murders and you can tell by their eyes, I've seen that look before, on wild animals. She's medium, a little taller than me, but much stronger. He's as tall as Alfred, but he looks weaker.  I'm positive that I can fight against her but him... I'll have to watch. 

District 3  Marianne and Taurys. They both look scared, unlike many Packs do but as they show them both being Reaped, I learn that Marianne is a Pack, not Taurys,  and she is as scared as Taurys. She could be an ally depending on her words in the training center. Taurys.. he doesn't look like much, but neither do I and I plan on winning. 

District 4, I will not be able to join with them. The male is name Ricardo and the girl is his spitting image, probably a family member, cousin or something, named Antina. She's pretty, just like your every ordinary district 4 kid but she's got this dark overtone, this aura that matches more dangerous things; like a serial killer, or a Shielder. She scares me almost as much as Ricardo. 

From there on, the districts get more desperate. District 5, a small 18 year old named Arianne and a tall looking boy with eyes that call for home. He's sad, and when I look at him, I feel horrible for him.  Arianne she grabs his hand when they are presented and turns towards him. He nods at her and the escort says, “Arianne Incedi and Alexio de Julio.” I am scared for their futures. 

District 6, two 15 years old, Bilia and Ablena. District 7, a brother and sister, Rod and  Anne. District 8... 

District 8 is a sister who volunteered for her sister and one of her oldest friends. They hold hands and kiss, that's how I know they're friends. Or lovers, I've been wrong before. District 9 is  an 18 year old and a 14 year old. The 14 year old will die in the beginning.  Almost all 14 year olds do. District 10 are both 15 and 13 and I want to stop this right away. 

The district 10 female tribute is terrified but she walks up to the stage with her head held high. No volunteers for her and she is certain in her fate, I can tell by her eyes. The boy is a short little brown haired sweetheart with brown-gold eyes. He's so small and so scared and his brother, he calls out for him! The boy looks too old to volunteer, or he just can't. Berwald could never volunteer for one of his siblings, he brings money in for the rest of them. To lose him is to lose the money. 

District 11 makes me turn off the television, another brother and sister but these guys, they're both so terrified when they are reaped. Elise, is the older sister, and Lillian is the younger brother. The way Elise takes Lillian's hand reminds me of Viktorija and I. How she'd hold my hand when I'm scared. 

“Are you okay?”  Nikolaj questions as he enters the car. I look at him, no tears in my eyes or tear tracks down my cheeks, just a hollow look.

“No, I want to win.” I begin and finish with, “And I'm scared I'm going to lose myself fighting against these guys.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! Hope you all enjoyed!


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